Thrilled to Death

Just thought it would be a nice title since it's Halloween and all. I think I'm going to buy a pumpkin. I wanted to last night, but it got too late too fast. I was so eager for the workday to finally end. I'm not sure why. We don't really have any major plans this weekend. Husband had called earlier and said that his boss asked us to stop by this evening if we wanted. I'm sure we will since it's his boss.

I've finished the first book in the Twilight saga. Amazing. I won't go into detail because The Ben might throw the coffee I brought him on my New Moon book just so he can catch up with me!

Yucky Mucky

I don't feel much like writing this evening/morning. I'm sure I will write something later in the day. We went to Wal-Mart to get pumpkins to carve and ended up with three decorations and some candy. I had really wanted to carve them, but it got late fast and was so cold. Maybe I'll pick up some tomorrow. Not take lunch and leave at 3pm. I really hope we get some trick or treaters. My mom always loved decorated for the holidays. But especially for Halloween. I think it was because you could decorate as silly and crazy as you wanted and it didn't matter, because it was Halloween. I miss her. She was such a smart, crafty lady.

Alas, it's late and I'd like to read some before I go to sleep.

As Recommended by-

The Ben, (=friend) I bought "Twilight" last night. Boy, it's awesome so far. Although I'm not very far into, it's one of those books you pick up and just don't want to put down. From what I hear, it's a wonderful tale of forbidden love. Doesn't everyone want just a little of that kind of romance in their Life. Fun, exciting, adventurous. Yet also, dangerous, risquey, and the kind of love people talk about.

We finally have had two nights in a row of sleep. I think pumpkin little is teething. She has begun to throw horrible temper tantrums. Arching her back, throwing her head back, stiffening up her arms and legs, and letting out downright awful cries. Poor thing. It's horrible seeing your child in pain and not being able to do much about it, except rub on some teething tabs.

The appraiser came last night. Neither an overfriendly or unfriendly fellow. He and his wife surveyed the house. He told us he'd call the bank on his way out, type up the appraisal report tonight, and send it over to the bank tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll hear from our bank contact by Friday so we know where we are in the closing process. I hate being on someone else's leash.

Halloween- well, we bought some candy last night. Geez, candy is freaking outrageously priced. If we get a lot of trick-or-treaters I'll have to send husband out for more candy. We only bought one bag with 230 pieces. And you know, kids won't take just one. We decided that we might have more TorT's at the new house, so we'll sit over there. The house is not decorated for Halloween, but who cares. I think I'll go on Saturday and buy some stuff on sale to have for next year.

I think I'm actually going to take my lunch break today, just so I can read my new book. I miss being able to read a book in a day or two. Now, I'm usually so exhausted from daily activities that I'm just ready to sleep at night. But alas, enough yap. To work so I can clear off my paper mountains.

Priorities Not Set

It is driving me up the wall that the appraiser hasn't called yet. I have been stressing out over this since the bank called a few days ago. Good grief get on with it all ready. We've been working our butts off on the "new" house to get it cleaned up. I am still skipping lunch at work so I can leave an hour early. Usually I'm absolutely starving by the time I leave work.

I turned the heat on at the ghetto house when I got home today, but now at twenty to one am, I've already turned the air back on. Yes, I called it the ghetto house. Why? Simple, because it's in the dang ghetto! The house is actually the mother in law's house. She moved out when husband was just starting his senior year. (We didn't know each other then.) Anyhow, she had told him that if he kept up the house, etc. he could live here until he got his own place. The house was new when they bought it. And it used to be a nice neighborhood, but then the remaining houses in the neighborhood got sold to FHA. Let's just say when you hear shots going off it's not because someone is shooting a deer. Which is the only kind of shots you'd hear where I am from.

But alas, it's almost one am and I'm still awake. It seems wide awake, but I'm sure given a few minutes of laying down I'll fall asleep. That is if the husband will quit snoring.

The New House

Lonely Me

Today I'm feeling rather lonely. Yes I have my husband and my co-workers, but it's still not the same as having a true blue friend. Sometimes even though I have so many people surrounding me I still feel alone.

Crazy Dog

There is absolutely no other way to put it. This morning will stumbling over the strayed out shoes and tossed about socks I didn't know whether to laugh at or scold my little furry friend. He decided that his chew rope was not for him this morning, but my only semi-decent pair of dress shoes was. Here's this ball of energy trying to run with a women's size 9 (yah- I know big feet) shoe, but tough luck for the little fella he can't seem to run with a shoe that's almost as big as he is.

(This is Rese when I first met him. He was so quiet and sweet, and wouldn't even take a treat from me.)

Every day when I come home and let the dogs out my friend is ready to go. He asks nothing more of me than to take him on a long, refreshing walk so he can exercise his small legs. Of course afterwards we have to go through the treat and scratch ritual. I love my little buddy. He loves me unconditionally. Even after I fuss at him sometimes for chewing up something or jumping around to close to the baby, he still comes up to me and noses his head right under my hand so I will pet him. How can I say no to that?!

Rese now.

He is always ready to play and toss socks,

and he'll take a treat any day now.

Where the Wild Things Roam

On this cold, windy morning I find myself wishing I were on some warm, sunny beach. Laying there with my swimsuit on and tanning lotion ready to go. Beach chair dug into the sand right near the water... just enough so when I strecth my legs out the water laps against my calves. Sunning all day without a care. Gathering up my things as it begins to turn to dusk. Making my way back to the condo for a nice long and hot shower. Getting ready to go out and enjoy the night life the city has to offer. My favorite place so far would have to be Howl at the Moon in Okaloosa Island, Florida. A wonderful dueling pianos bar, with a stage band that knows how to get the crowd rowdied up. I miss that place, and can't wait to go back one day. Coming back to condo after a night of fun and escapades of mischief.

Yes, I wish I would have enjoyed Life more before being headstrong and marrying at 18 (only to have that marriage fail). I should have experienced Life more. Exploring everything, not letting myself hold back because I was/am scared. I have learned to take on the idea of "You only live once." So bring on the rollercoasters, the skydiving, the travel... if only God didn't have other plans.

For now, I will live my Life to raise my daughter and family. I wasn't planning on having children yet, but I think that God does plan things to happen in our life so that we learn a lesson from each event. There are still quite a lot of things that I don't see lessons in though. Suicide is the main one. But I suppose that is where free will comes in. Where the child leaves the Parent and begins to either stay on course or stray.

Anyhow, this post is becoming a ramble of deeper thoughts to which I do not have the extra time or energy for at the moment. Just know that I'd like to be on the beach, by myself or with a mate enjoying the beauty of the sea.

Appraisal Anxious

Yesterday the husband got a call from our bank contact asking if we were ready for the house to be appraised. Uh no, not really! We still have to clean up all of our work materials, get all of the dust and bugs out, clean the windows, etc. I feel like I have a huge knot in my stomach because I'm so afraid we won't get a good appraisal value. Or that the appraiser will say that he cannot give a value because the house isn't complete enough for him to appraise it. I haven't been taking a lunch at work the past few days so I can leave early to give me some extra time to work over there and clean up. Even though I'm working on the house it's still nice just to have time to clean up instead of having to drop everything every five minutes when pumpkin little is there. These photos are from awhile back, and I'll try and take some more tonight, just so people can see what progress has been made. I'm just so nervous about the whole situation. I've never owned a home, been through the appraisal process, etc. so it's all new and scary to me.

Semisonic Kinda Day

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" Isn't that the truth? I'll elaborate more tomorrow. As for now, I'm completely exhausted.

And my grandmother told me today that my grandfather's sister passed away.

Now for a random picture...

Mother Dear

This evening we went to visit my dad and stepmom. I realized when we got home that my daughter will grow up calling my stepmom MiMi, and that she will never truly know her birth maternal grandmother. Why? Because my mom was apparently unable to pull herself from the pits of manic depression. She couldn't handle the real world, so she took her own life. My mom shot herself when I was 16 years old. She missed seeing me graduate, she missed my wedding, she missed my divorce, my second wedding, and the birth of her first grandchild. Call me selfish, but I wanted my mom to be there for these things. I wanted to be able to see her be proud of me when I got my diploma. I wanted to hear her tell me that she couldn't believe her little girl was growing up and getting married. I wanted to have her shoulder to cry on when my first marriage was failing and I felt completely alone in the world. I wanted her to share the joy when I found happiness again and remarried. I wanted her to be in the delivery room to hold her first grandchild, to hear my baby cry for the first time, to hold her and to love her as much as she loved me. Yep, I wanted my mom there for all that. Often I wonder what my life, her life would have been like if she was still here. Would she have ever learned that she could be stronger than the depression? Or would she have eventually succumbed to the internal battle anyway? I'll never know, however I do know that I miss her. One day I will have to explain to my daughter the her mommy's mom is no longer here. And eventually I will explain to her why grandmom isn't here. Hopefully, I can keep my composure and not completely break down and became angry at my mom again.

White Knight

Ugh- this morning I just want to be up at the lake snuggled up in the warm king sized bed. Having a lazy day. I wish it was warm again, warm enough to be out on the boat. I wish I had a babysitter for the weekend, just so I could actually get a full nights sleep. Blah, I know I should be saying "I'm thankful for..." instead of the "I wishes...", but sometimes you just want to get away. Be swept off your feet, pampered, told how much you are cared and appreciated for, and just not have to worry about anything.

I just woke from the dream... the baby's starting to wiggle.

Almost as Good as Christmas

Just wanted to share my bit of bursting excitement with everyone, not that anyone really cares, but anyhow- the A/C unit got fixed! A fellow was nice enough to offer his services to us at no charge, and he fixed the unit. We almost had things right the way we were hooking up, but he noticed that two of the wires were criss-crossed wrong. Anyhow, I'm fixin to paint in the corners of the living room. Hopefully it will go quick. Write more later.

Ex Escape

Last night I had this very intriguing dream. I was in this huge beautiful kitchen that was outdoors. Odd I know, but I continue. The floors were marble, granite countertops, everything a modern kitchen would have- except there were no walls just the most awesome view into almost forest like area. The sun was shining through the tree tops just right, the leaves were in brilliant colors of red, orange, and yellows, the birds were chirpping faintly in the background. And then I hear a voice behind me. It was my ex-husband, but in the dream we were married again. I was at the counter fixing some coffee, and he came in mentioning something about umbrellas. I told him I thought it was such a nice morning out. It was a comfortable feeling, in the dream that is. It made me miss him. I get so angry with myself when I have dreams about us, about how things were. The dreams are never of the bad times, only of the good. Which makes it so hard to forget him. I miss our relationship sometimes. But then I remember... what drove me away.

Morning Sunshine!

Well, after reading my blog from early, early this morning I found that it does in fact read coherently. How awesome. Not so bad for someone falling in and out of sleep. Anyhow, it's Wednesday, middle of the week. Middle of the month (for the most part). Things with the house are coming along nicely with the exception of the A/C unit. I've told husband to just work on everything else that he can, get his mind away from the unit, and in time it will come. The fellow that is supposed to come out and look at it probably won't be there until Friday, but that's fine. I'm just glad he's nice enough to offer to come look at it. I'm going to attempt to cook again this evening on the gas stove. This will prove to be interesting, because I'm not so great of a cook anyway, much less on a gas stove. I've only used it twice! Anyhow, off to work I suppose.

One AM Confessions

In keeping with the spirit of trying to post daily, here's what's on my mind. We worked on the new house this evening. Still problems with the A/C, but after posting that we needed help online, a fellow replied saying he would be in town tomorrow and would be more than happy to come by and look at our unit, so that's awesome.

I'm so exhausted, but of course it seems there is still so much to do. At home, at work, at the new house, grrr... However, buddy roe (what I call my little dog Rese) got a bath while I took my shower. He did so good. He is so jealous sometimes. He sleeps right next to me and follows me around everywhere. I think he knows I was the one that adopted him from the shelter.

I'm fighting sleep right now so I can try and write this. I hope things make sense in the morning.

Blow Me Away

Trying to keep my sense of humor here. The A/C unit on the house is not wanting to work. We've been through two low voltage transformers in less than a week. They are $20 a piece, which isn't a problem, but when you go through them like a glass of water things tend to get expensive. It seems like no matter how hard you try sometimes things just go belly up no matter what. I'm hoping that we can get something figured out soon. The husband is worried the A/C problem will slow up closing on the house. I don't think it will because A/C does not make a house livable, but it sure does make it easier to live it!

Shhh, Don't Tell

Don't tell my husband, my friends, my family that sometimes I wish it would all just go away. That for day, a whole day, there would be nothing but silence. Babies wouldn't cry, the dogs wouldn't bark, no noisy vehicle motors up and down the road, no train whistling through the city. Just quiet.

And don't tell that this blog is going to help me keep my sanity (hopefully!). My place to let stuff out after I hear from everyone else.

Now at 12:43am I think I can declare it time to sleep. I have to be on time to work tomorrow! I'm so exhausted, but I just can't fall asleep.

So Close

After another weekend of working our butts off it stills seems like we are no closer to moving into the house. I've been jokingly telling my husband that if he ever gets the wild hair to remodel/renovate another home, he'll have to find another wife. This is taking such a toll on our time as a family. Thankfully, now that we are in the "final" stages we can spare an afternoon every now and then to visit family or go eat lunch at the park.

Pumpkin Little is being to grow into quite a ball of meanness. We think she is starting to teethe as she is constantly drooling, putting stuff in her mouth, and being unusually fussy. Normally she is such a sweet little baby. Poor little thing was running a fever last night that had her in a cold sweat. Everyone's been telling us babies will run a fever when they teethe, but you really hate to see your little one hurting. She seems so uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, my youngest sister (16) is taking such a toll on our family. She is so manipulative and defiant. My Dad is doing everything he can to help her, but she plays the system, ends up getting to come home, is "changed" for a week or two, and then back to being her old self.

I'm sure there will be more later, I didn't have the chance to write Saturday and Sunday. I have to admit after 1am I get pretty beat. I know I should just go to sleep (or try anyway), but it seems like there is so much to do with a baby. Wash clothes, wash bottles, change, feed, play, etc! But she's always worth it!

Friday Night Fun

So my hubby is working his butt off trying to get this house ready for us to move into. He's been under the house since 6pm installing duct work, electrical lines, and he's currently working on the gas line. Meanwhile, our angelic daughter is sleeping ever so sweetly in her little pack-n-play that took me forever to figure out. I'm ready to pass out asleep. Husband and I hadn't had dinner yet. Still, have to make the drive to the house we are actually living in now, eat, take the dogs out, make sure they are feed, watered, walked. I'm sure by the time I get all this done, pumpkin little (daughter's nickname) will wake up ready to eat. Which is understandable, she's only four months old. And quite the heart-stealer I might add.
DH (for those of you that don't know "dear husband") is getting on my last nerve. He's under the house, right? And will yell up to me if he needs me to bring him something- wrench, light, screwdriver, etc. So I search and search since he doesn't keep stuff in the same freaking place, and then he gets mad because I'm taking too long to find what he needs! Ugh, then he throws a little fit. Anyhow. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I suppose. Hopefully renovating a house doesn't "kill" our marriage.